Thursday, November 20, 2008

Caught in a trough

I've got some strange comments on my blogs, comments which I don't understand. I didn't know IIMians also felt low, says one. Why? Aren't we humans? Just because we got into a good business school hardly makes life perfect for anybody. Everybody comes here with their own baggages, own set of worries and might-have-beens. You tend to get so carried away in this hectic life that you often don't how things are still pretty much the same for you. Sure, you might have dramatically improved your chances of getting a great job, and getting enough money to live comfortably, but you still have more or less the same set of problems you started out with. Yes, I am grateful for what I have got, for getting into a place so many deserve to (and so many who do so more than me) and yet don't. Especially since I have experienced first-hand what it feels like to be in a state of penury :| But money and a high flying profile has never been a big thing for me. I've always wanted life's subtler pleasures, the slightly off-beat ones. I have so many things that many people don't, yet at times there is this all-pervading gloom which envelopes me like one of those clouds which take over the campus during the night. I end up feeling terribly guilty at feeling this way when I am in such an incredible place, surrounded by such incredible people, something coveted by so many and achieved by so less. Why am I not happy then? What is that holds me back from enjoying these days - which would probably be the best in life - to the fullest? Why do I feel like life has already been lived, and that there is nothing to look forward to? Questions, questions and more questions to pull me down, and not an answer in sight. What am I looking for, that elusive thing which will set me free and give me peace? It's not a fancy concept, that much I know, I've reached that state of utter bliss before, for a period of time so long that I'd wondered whether I deserved it. When will I again, if I do, and how? Just more questions, again.

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